Disney buys Ketchum
Auction raises money for underprivileged children of Gimlet
"All these poor people have got to go."
Michael Eisner, Disney’s chief exec
By TRAVIS PURSER
Express Staff Writer
In a deal that has sparked an investigation by the state attorney
general’s office—but which many Gimlet and city of Sun Valley residents
applaud—Disney chief executive officer Michael Eisner announced last week his
company’s plans to convert Ketchum into an Old-West theme park.
That bombshell followed Disney’s purchase of the city of Ketchum for
$16.5 billion from Utah convenience store super mogul Earl Holding after Eisner apparently
took for face value the comment by Holding, "If you believe that one, I’ve got a
town to sell you."
Sue Big, chief investigator for the state attorney general’s office,
said in a telephone conversation last week that she believes Holding could not legally
sell Ketchum because he never owned it. However, she added, Sun Valley Mayor Sal
Pappageorgio has asked her office to drop its investigation because Holding is a
"very rich man."
Meanwhile, two of Big’s investigators are known to be probing what
are believed to be Holding’s control of vast oil fields under Ketchum controlled by a
network of offshore companies.
"We’re speculating that’s how his Sun Valley gas station
can charge 3-cents a gallon in the face of the OPEC squeeze," whispered one of the
investigators.
Whatever the case, Eisner seemed in high spirits during a tour of Ketchum
with newly appointed Mayor Mickey Mouse Friday. Driving a fully enclosed, gold-plated golf
cart designed to resemble a scaled-down Lincoln Navigator, Mouse and Eisner cruised the
city’s streets discussing theme park ideas.
"All these poor people have got to go," Eisner said, gesturing
broadly at the west side of town. Eisner explained that "dilapidated shacks"
along Second Avenue and "tired-looking wage-earners" visible in the downtown
core are detrimental to the "wonderful world" concept Disney hopes to develop in
Ketchum.
"You gotta love this place!" Mouse interjected
enthusiastically. "Look at it. You gotta love it."
If all goes as planned, Eisner will implement his "pay to park"
project next month. Aimed at "improving the visual appeal of automobiles" within
city limits, the project requires drivers to buy a special permit to park on city
property.
"That will help get rid of hooptie jalopies driven by people who
can’t afford a permit," Eisner said.
Eisner plans to raise the price of the permit every month until nothing
but "sleek Expeditions and bitchin’ Harleys line the streets."
Spirits soared even higher later that evening at the Snow White Gluttonous
Feast and Charitable Auction to benefit the underprivileged children of Gimlet, during
which Eisner clinked his crystal wine goblet and announced plans to convert Ketchum’s
city hall into a Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride attraction.
"Zippity do da!" exclaimed Mouse.
