For the week of July 1 thru July 7, 1998  

Top 10 things to do with your forest user pass


Wondering what to do with those obnoxious yellow paper permits the Forest Service insists you carry in the Sawtooth Forest? In the spirit of "independence" day, we’ve put together a list of the top 10 alternatives.

10. Camp with friends and use their passes to start a camp fire in the sodden backcountry.

9. Repel mosquitoes and horseflies by letting it swing from a chain around your neck.

8. Wallpaper the guest bedroom to discourage unwanted guests.

7. Tear off and drop little pieces as you hike so, like Hansel and Gretel, you may find your way back.

6. Use it as an official pass to get into expensive local events.

5. Use it in electronic security gates to give yourself a self-guided tour of local mansions.

4. Add it to your best spinner and troll for sockeye salmon.

3. Tape it to sunglasses and use it as a visor.

2. Collect enough and build a berm. See if anyone notices.

1. Check the numbers on it and convince the Lottery Commission you won the big one.

Runnersup:

Use it to clean the frost off your windshield this summer.

Use it to scrape the bugs off the grill of your car.

Use it as an exfoliant with an avocado facial for a cheap at-home spa treatment.

Become a nerd’s nerd with a laminated goldenrod pocket protector.

Stick it in the a: drive of your worst enemy’s computer. Let him figure it out.

Put it on the dog’s collar so you can spot Fido in the dark.

Write your name on the back, take it to dinner parties and use it as a place card.

Tear it up in little pieces and use it as confetti at the Fourth of July parade.

If stranded in the woods without food, eat it.

Give it to an illegal alien and claim they’ve changed the color of the green cards.

Write a message on it, put it in a bottle, throw it in the river, see who replies.

Keep it for school and use it as a hall pass.

Take it to a shoe store and try to order shoes to match.

Use it as a cocktail napkin to hold the cold beer you drink to try to forget about another loss of freedom on the Fourth of July.

 

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