Friday, August 13, 2004

The Arrogance and the Ecstasy

The Way I See It

by Chris Millspaugh

Scene: Retail shop in Ketchum. Mid-week, 4:55 p.m.

Tourist: ?Could I get a little help, here??

Local Clerk: ?What do you want??

Tourist: ?Some assistance??

Local Clerk: ?What do you want??

Tourist: ?I?d like to see your scarves.?

Local Clerk? ?We don?t have any scarves.?

Tourist: ?Oh, yeah, what?s that then?? (Pointing to a chair behind the coun-ter.)

Local Clerk ?That?s my scarf?.

Tourist: ?How much you want for it??

Local Clerk: ?It?s not for sale.?

Tourist: ?Everything?s for sale.?

Local Clerk: ?Not me.?

Tourist: ?Oh, really? I?ll give you $20 for the scarf right now.?

Local Clerk: ?No.?

Tourist: ?No??

Local Clerk: ?No.?

Tourist: ?Okay, $25.?

Local Clerk: ?No.?

Tourist: ?What are you, David Spade??

Local Clerk: ?No.?

Tourist: ?Okay, never mind, where?s your bathroom??

Local Clerk: ?Patrons only.?

Tourist: ?Okay, I?ll buy the scarf.?

Local Clerk: ?No.?

Tourist: ?Look, I gotta? go. I?ll buy some gum.?

Local Clerk: ?We don?t have any gum.?

Tourist: ?Hey, whatever, I?ll take that pen.?

Local Clerk: ?That?s my pen.?

Tourist: ?I?ll take that map, then.?

Local Clerk: ?It?s free and that?s not a purchase.?

Tourist: ?How about that soda??

Local Clerk: ?Mine.?

Tourist: ?Keys??

Local Clerk: ?Store?s.?

Tourist: ?Wallet??

Local Clerk: ?Mine.?

Tourist: ?I need to use the bathroom before it?s too late!?

Local Clerk: ?Late? What time is it?

Tourist: ?Five-Oh-Five.?

Local Clerk: ?Gotta? go. Closing time!?

Tourist: ?You close at 5 in the sum-mer??

Local Clerk: ?I have a life, too.?

Tourist: ?Hey, come on, you?re closed now. Let me use the bath-room!?

Local Clerk: ?Look, I?m going across the street to the bar. Come with and use their facilities.?

Tourist: ?All right, all right.?

Local: ?Come on, I?ll buy you a cocktail.? (Locking the door and turning off the lights)

Tourist: ?Well, that?s nice of you.?

Local: ?Hey, it?s a friendly town.? (Crossing the street)

Tourist: ?Uh, what?s that guy doing in the middle of the intersection??

Local: ?He?s an undercover cop.?

Tourist: ??.and the guy on the cor-ner??

Local: ?Secret Service.?

Tourist: ?The guy over there letting the air out of the tire on that Fire Truck??

Local: ?That?s the Mayor?.Oh, here we are, let?s go greet the locals.?

Tourist: ?Hey, that lady just told me to shove it!?

Local: ?First Lady?.Cocktails?!?

I LOVE this town, Nice talking to you.

 Local Weather 
Search archives:

Copyright © 2021 Express Publishing Inc.   Terms of Use   Privacy Policy
All Rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part in any form or medium without express written permission of Express Publishing Inc. is prohibited. 

The Idaho Mountain Express is distributed free to residents and guests throughout the Sun Valley, Idaho resort area community. Subscribers to the Idaho Mountain Express will read these stories and others in this week's issue.