The Arrogance and the Ecstasy
The Way I See It
by Chris Millspaugh
Scene: Retail shop in Ketchum. Mid-week, 4:55 p.m.
Tourist: ?Could I get a little help, here??
Local Clerk: ?What do you want??
Tourist: ?Some assistance??
Local Clerk: ?What do you want??
Tourist: ?I?d like to see your scarves.?
Local Clerk? ?We don?t have any scarves.?
Tourist: ?Oh, yeah, what?s that then?? (Pointing to a chair behind the coun-ter.)
Local Clerk ?That?s my scarf?.
Tourist: ?How much you want for it??
Local Clerk: ?It?s not for sale.?
Tourist: ?Everything?s for sale.?
Local Clerk: ?Not me.?
Tourist: ?Oh, really? I?ll give you $20 for the scarf right now.?
Local Clerk: ?No.?
Tourist: ?No??
Local Clerk: ?No.?
Tourist: ?Okay, $25.?
Local Clerk: ?No.?
Tourist: ?What are you, David Spade??
Local Clerk: ?No.?
Tourist: ?Okay, never mind, where?s your bathroom??
Local Clerk: ?Patrons only.?
Tourist: ?Okay, I?ll buy the scarf.?
Local Clerk: ?No.?
Tourist: ?Look, I gotta? go. I?ll buy some gum.?
Local Clerk: ?We don?t have any gum.?
Tourist: ?Hey, whatever, I?ll take that pen.?
Local Clerk: ?That?s my pen.?
Tourist: ?I?ll take that map, then.?
Local Clerk: ?It?s free and that?s not a purchase.?
Tourist: ?How about that soda??
Local Clerk: ?Mine.?
Tourist: ?Keys??
Local Clerk: ?Store?s.?
Tourist: ?Wallet??
Local Clerk: ?Mine.?
Tourist: ?I need to use the bathroom before it?s too late!?
Local Clerk: ?Late? What time is it?
Tourist: ?Five-Oh-Five.?
Local Clerk: ?Gotta? go. Closing time!?
Tourist: ?You close at 5 in the sum-mer??
Local Clerk: ?I have a life, too.?
Tourist: ?Hey, come on, you?re closed now. Let me use the bath-room!?
Local Clerk: ?Look, I?m going across the street to the bar. Come with and use their facilities.?
Tourist: ?All right, all right.?
Local: ?Come on, I?ll buy you a cocktail.? (Locking the door and turning off the lights)
Tourist: ?Well, that?s nice of you.?
Local: ?Hey, it?s a friendly town.? (Crossing the street)
Tourist: ?Uh, what?s that guy doing in the middle of the intersection??
Local: ?He?s an undercover cop.?
Tourist: ??.and the guy on the cor-ner??
Local: ?Secret Service.?
Tourist: ?The guy over there letting the air out of the tire on that Fire Truck??
Local: ?That?s the Mayor?.Oh, here we are, let?s go greet the locals.?
Tourist: ?Hey, that lady just told me to shove it!?
Local: ?First Lady?.Cocktails?!?
I LOVE this town, Nice talking to you.
