Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Double, double toil and trouble’

Community School fifth-graders compete for ‘Witch of the Year’

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By YANNA LANTZ
Express Staff Writer

Community School kids perform a skit before a witch costume contest at the CS theatre on Wednesday afternoon. Express photo by Roland Lane

    Kids are breaking out their best spells to win the title “Witch of the Year.” Every fall, fifth-grade Community School students break out their pointy hats, brooms and wands to conquer their classmates and be named the most frightening and powerful sorcerer in the school.
    Posters clutter the campus, promoting the different contestants. Faculty member Peter Burke called the occasion “the biggest event on the Community School calendar.”
    Twelve chimes of the bell signaled the start of the 2014 Witches Contest on Wednesday, Oct. 29, at the private Sun Valley school. Members of the faculty greeted the audience through a foggy stage and lamented over the children they teach.
     “I wouldn’t mind gobbling up a few kids this year!” yelled “Evil Dr. Burke.”
    The witches and wizards came to the consensus that maybe by being happy, they could shock and scare their audience. Evil Dr. Burke then led the coven in a dance to Pharrell’s hit song “Happy,” which was quite shocking indeed.
    Then, the storm of miniature witches took control of the stage. A dancing skeleton conjured wicked spirts to transform him into a dancing robot. An athletic trainer and “the biggest loser” summoned the Village People and they danced until they dropped. Another contestant must have cursed “the biggest loser” and made him gain 50 pounds, because his weigh-in didn’t go so well.
    Other wicked and witchy characters appeared. too. “The soccer moms” boxed out their demons to the classic rock song “Eye of the Tiger.” They were frightening in their accuracy of moms wishing to relive their glory days through their children. They threatened the audience, promising to show up at their soccer games and be the biggest nightmare on the soccer field if they don’t win.
    Selfie monster Katy Perry took the stage in the form of three bodies, each sporting a different color Perry-wig. The Care Bears traveled all the way from Care-a-lot to make an appearance and show off their “evil machine.” They let the audience in on a little-known secret—Santa is a Care Bear and they are his elves. If they don’t win the contest, everyone will go on the Naughty List for life!
    The Blues Brothers transported themselves straight from the 1980s in order to compete. They must have shrunk in the process, because they were tiny, but their sideburns confirmed that they were the real deal.
    Direct from the sewer, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles came to try their luck. They knew their look was, by definition, beastly, and thought they had it in the bag. The turtles tried to swing the student’s vote by promising “pizza for all!”
    For the last act, all the contestants crowded the stage and danced together. They knew “Thriller’s” eternal lyrics still ring true: “And whosoever shall be found without the soul for getting down, must stand and face the hounds of hell, and rot inside a corpse’s shell.”
    The witchiest wicked winner will be decided in the coming weeks.

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