Friday, December 28, 2012

Resolutions for 2013

Just in case some people have a hard time coming up with resolutions for the new year, here’s a short list of some we’d like to see.

Sun Valley mayor and City Council: To learn to dance. Watching them salsa will be much more entertaining than their forensic adventures and should produce smiles instead of grimaces.

Idaho’s Republican fanatics: To refuse to warm up leftovers and to accept the public’s rebuke of its so-called education reform laws.

Sun Valley Marketing Alliance: To sell Sun Valley as the nation’s most romantic mountain destination resort—because it is.

Baby boomers: To start ingratiating themselves with younger relatives because lousy savings rates, a bad economy and rising medical costs may make them the best bet for old age. 

Arizona: To wonder if it should really be proud of making Idaho look like a state full of moderates.

Mayans: To celebrate no longer being the world’s biggest pessimists. Now that the world didn’t end, they can reveal that the calendar was just some old skeleton’s idea of a joke.

Friedman Memorial Airport Authority: To adopt Sisyphus as its official mascot and incorporate into its logo the mythical king who was forced to repeatedly roll a boulder up a hill only to have it roll down.

People younger than 50: To read George Orwell’s book “1984” and get to know Big Brother. Google it.

Fox News: To wake up and realize that the election is over and that most of their candidates lost.

City of Bellevue: To make hitchhiking and carpooling the only legal means of mass transit within city limits so no one will waste time trying to build public bus facilities there.

Republican lobbyist Grover Norquist: To drain the bathtub in which he wants to drown government and shelve his no-new-taxes, no-way, no-how pledge that he extracted from elected officials.

Democrats: To learn game theory and figure out that it’s nothing like playing Candyland.

Mother Nature: To take it easier on us humans in the disaster department because we’re really slow learners.

Parents: To unplug the kids and take them outside to watch the clouds go by away from electronic devices.

Members of Congress: To take off the scary Scream masks now that the election is over and solve the nation’s problems.

Valley locals: To learn to love skiing again.

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