Idaho Mountain Express: Local thoughts

Friday, August 17, 2012

Local thoughts

By CHRIS MILLSPAUGH

I spent the past week listening to the pulse of the valley as my fellow locals expounded upon various topics that should explain to our summer visitors just who we are and why we stay:

Honestly, I'm one paycheck from the street.

Hey, Obama is talking to Bowe's parents. Maybe he'll be home soon.

Well, the political campaign has started and it's going to be nasty. Wake me when it's over.

Softball season is over. That 7 Dog Ranch team rocks!

Reminds you of the Castle Rock fire five years ago, doesn't it? I stayed inside all week.

Look, there's no furniture on the front lawn. Good for him.

I called all my creditors last week and told them to get ready to be disappointed. They all worked with me on a new payment plan. Sometimes confrontation works. Who knew?

That Community Library is the best. I go there to gather facts for all my conspiracy theories.
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Every time I think it's all over, something happens to keep me going. I'm "even steven" again.

If I had the bread, I'd open up the Canine Café. People would bring their dogs to dine with their pals in a scenic country setting. The menu would feature all their favorite treats plus the soup bone of the day.

There would be ball games, tug of wars, digging contests and staring contests every afternoon along with simulated hikes with their human friends. At night, we'd feature howling contests, mythical creature chasings and burrowing. I'd make a fortune in this valley.

Ben from Idaho Falls likes it here and has decided to stay as long as he can work on Sundays as well as the rest of the week.

It was sad to see the cop get busted for a DUI. Now he knows how we felt. I say let the poor guy off. He was just trying to mingle with the masses.

Where would we be in this community if we didn't have convenience stores? I know 10 to 12 clerks by name.

Have you noticed a lot of wonderful people passed away this summer?

You know, I really think that everything is going to be all right.

Nice talking to you.

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