Friday, June 22, 2012

Phone calls from my sister

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By CHRIS MILLSPAUGH

My older sister and her husband are retired, living in an RV park in the Pocono Mountains on the East Coast for six months a year. The other six months they travel the United States, going from one RV park to the next. It's a great life. While on their travels, from time to time my sister will call me to inquire how I am doing, to relay family news and to tell me tales of their latest experience.

The problem is when she calls on her new smart phone; something always seems to go amok:

"Hi, this is your big sister!"

"Hey, are you doin'?"

"Well, we're in Arkansas and—oh, look at that eagle coming right at ... (click!)"

"Hello! Hello! Hello!"

My initial thought is that the eagle smashed right through their front windshield, so I quickly call back only to get a busy signal. Must be the new phone.

(Ring!)

"Yeah! Are you all right?"

"Oh, I just can't work this phone right. I keep hitting the wrong button. It's OK now. Can you hear me?"

"Yes. Yes I can."

"Good. Well, as I was saying, we're going through Arkansas ... Oh, look, honey, it's a cave and ... (click!)

Visions of them in the RV flash upon me and I see them blindly entering a large cave and crashing into an underground lake with bats invading the big vehicle.

<

(Ring!)

"Yeah!"

"This damn phone. I paid a lot of money for this. Wait—your B.I.L. (brother-in-law) wants to yak at you. Here ... (click!)

"Hey, everything OK?"

(A male voice speaks) "She doesn't understand the phone. Here, honey, keep your hand off that button and talk."

"Hello!" (click!)

(It's gotta' be the phone. She'll call back.)

Two hours pass and no calls. I believe now that they are in a ditch by Hot Springs. I call.

"Hello! We stopped for dinner. What's up?"

"Oh, nothing. I just thought you were dead in a ditch!"

"Oh, no. I'm fine. It's this damn phone that keeps dy... (click!)

Oh, well, nice talking to you.

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