Idaho Mountain Express: Groundhog report

Friday, February 3, 2012

Groundhog report

By CHRIS MILLSPAUGH

The groundhog came out yesterday, saw his avatar and disappeared. When an event occurs such as this, and as you all know, myths are true, the following prediction will be written in stone: Spring will begin in two weeks and last until mid-August. Summer will follow and end on Wagon Days. Fall will commence on Sept. 1 and will last until Christmas Day or so. Winter and the first snow will occur on or about the last week of the year, produce one major snowfall in January and peter out again to February spring—too little, too long, too long, too little.

Spring will now be the primary season in the Wood River Valley with fall a close second. With the community and merchants facing six months of spring now, it's time to do a little rethinking on the marketing of our area as a destination recreational resort.

This new transition, spring, will rise out of a combination of the short winters and brief summers we all have come to love here in Blatant County. It is sure to offer new opportunities for all.

Think mud, folks. Yes, half a year of predicted mud demands some special thought and preparation. I suggest the Mud Bowl X Games featuring mud sliding with mud boards on Baldy for all the runs. Let the mud-making machines begin.

Already as we speak, ski manufacturers all over town are widening skis and boards for the new recreation challenge on our mountains. ATV enthusiasts will finally have all the moist trails they've been praying for and the Recreation District will be there to groom them, thus opening up a whole new financial bonanza for this fine organization.

ESPN will cover all these new events, calling it "The McNeal Report," and, because of all the mud, clothing regulations will be a thing of the past. Dirty is in! Langley rules!

As an older man, I will not be taking part in these new sports. However, my immediate plan is to buy all the stock available in Suds Yer' Duds and make a fortune.

Nice talking to you

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