Friday, January 27, 2012

The answer is near


By CHRIS MILLSPAUGH

One of the advantages of not having a full-time job is the ability to read all the news stories in the weekly paper completely instead of just scanning the headlines. Last week's edition of this paper presented one that completely absorbed my interest: "Rule could make roadkill fair game."

The new rule proposed by the Department of Fish and Game would allow citizens to salvage and process vehicle-killed animals for personal use. Goodbye, grocery. Hello, Highway 75! This opens a whole new prospect on shopping for the dining room table, doesn't it? Why pay high prices for packaged meat when, now, for the price of a few gallons of gas, you can mow down a mule deer in your family sedan that will feed you and your family for a few weeks? And, it's all legal.

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I can envision prosperity easily now in the Wood River Valley because of this new rule, which will have a trickle-down effect on other businesses. Body shops will now be busy outfitting family cars with cow catchers, scoops and snap-on elongated spears. Restaurants can now feature roadside kill menus featuring elk nuggets, moose flank steaks, braised bear, woodchuck ground, antelope au jus and cream of cattle soup. Furniture stores will now have the ability to feature sales on antler lamps, bear rugs and mink-covered Lazy Boys. The answer to comfort, warmth and hunger in the cruel winter of 2012 has been solved. Enjoy!

Nice talking to you.




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