Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Scared? It’s not just wolves

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I had no idea that I could be "eaten alive" by wolves until I read Mr. John Gaither's fully documented letter. And I found his research showing more than 4,000 human deaths since the Renaissance due to wolves to be really frightening! This got me thinking, "Gee, what other dangers might I be missing?" Therefore, I immediately went to the source of all knowledge—"The Net"—and learned the following.

Shark attacks worldwide edged up a notch from 60 in 2008 to 61 in 2009. Jellyfish cause more than 100 deaths yearly. Two hundred deaths per year are caused by hippos (ugly, huh?). Black widow and brown recluse spiders kill 6.5 people per year. Horses kill 20 people per year. Bulls kill three. Between 1969 and 1997 there were 19 deaths caused my moose. Alligators in Florida alone have killed 18 people in the last 60 years. Bee/wasp stings account for 53 deaths annually.

What is the animal that has caused the most deaths in the U.S? Deer! And hang on, this one will really scare you: Mosquitoes cause more than 2 million deaths a year worldwide. I knew those little beasts were pure evil.

Then of course there are lions, tigers and bears, but I didn't bother with research since we all know they are killers. I only looked at data within the last few years, so imagine what animal-caused deaths would number if I went all the way back to before Columbus sailed the seas.

My research clearly leads any rational individual to only one logical conclusion: In order to be safe in the great outdoors we must exterminate all animal life forms. But then I became worried about lighting strikes. Oh, my dear God! I think we would all just be better off if we never again stepped a foot outside. I'm headed to my basement, TV and fridge full of beer!

Jeff Anderton

Hailey

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