Friday, November 18, 2011

Awkward moments at Thanksgiving


By CHRIS MILLSPAUGH

Thursday is Thanksgiving. As Jon Stewart says, "I celebrated Thanksgiving in the old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house where we all had an enormous feast. Then I killed them and took their land." A little strict, I would say; however, there are those moments we all could encounter at this truly American holiday this coming week:

Aunt Violet pulls you aside and tells you a secret about cousin Betty, and then cousin Betty pulls you aside and confides in you about the very same secret. Grandpa pulls you aside and leaves you because he forgot what he was going to say. Later, at the dinner table while making idle chatter, you inadvertently reveal the secret about Betty to the entire gathering of family and friends. Everyone gasps except Grandpa who says, "That's what I was going to say."

Uncle Harry's fly is open and because of your earlier faux pas at the table, you are assigned to tell him. You try:

"The cucumber has left the salad."

"Sailor Bob is trying to take a little shore leave."

"The Buick is not all the way in the garage."

"Elvis has left the building."

"Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction."

Nothing works and everyone is called back to the table for dessert. Right after the second helping of ice cream and cream pie, you remember that you are lactose intolerant and have a gastric attack that clears the table and the entire dining area.

As you leave at the front door, Uncle Harry has changed into a Penn State sweatshirt and wants to go with. Grandpa is facing the drapes and is talking to no one in particular and you kiss your date on the cheek and slip your hostess the tongue.

I should have killed them and taken their land.

Nice talking to you.




About Comments

Comments with content that seeks to incite or inflame may be removed.

Comments that are in ALL CAPS may be removed.

Comments that are off-topic or that include profanity or personal attacks, libelous or other inappropriate material may be removed from the site. Entries that are unsigned or contain signatures by someone other than the actual author may be removed. We will take steps to block users who violate any of our posting standards, terms of use or any other policies governing this site. Use of this system denotes full acceptance of these conditions. Please review the full rules governing commentaries and discussions. You are fully responsible for the content that you post.

The comments below are from the readers of mtexpress.com and in no way represent the views of Express Publishing, Inc.

You may flag individual comments. You may also report an inappropriate or offensive comment by clicking here.

Flagging Comments: Flagging a comment tells a site administrator that a comment is inappropriate. You can find the flag option by pointing the mouse over the comment and clicking the 'Flag' link.

Flagging a comment is only counted once per person, and you won't need to do it multiple times.

Proper Flagging Guidelines: Every site has a different commenting policy - be sure to review the policy for this site before flagging comments. In general these types of comments should be flagged:

  • Spam
  • Ones violating this site's commenting policy
  • Clearly unrelated
  • Personal attacks on others
Comments should not be flagged for:
  • Disagreeing with the content
  • Being in a dispute with the commenter

Popular Comment Threads



 Local Weather 
Search archives:


Copyright © 2019 Express Publishing Inc.   Terms of Use   Privacy Policy
All Rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part in any form or medium without express written permission of Express Publishing Inc. is prohibited. 

The Idaho Mountain Express is distributed free to residents and guests throughout the Sun Valley, Idaho resort area community. Subscribers to the Idaho Mountain Express will read these stories and others in this week's issue.