Figure skating is an elegant sport, a true showcase of poise and beauty.
Well, not always.
Nine local celebrities from the fields of education, athletics, business and philanthropy will be paired with nine world-class skating pros for the "Battle of the Blades ... Ice, It's Hard."
The competition will take place at the Sun Valley outdoor rink on Saturday, Sept. 10, at 8 p.m.
Based loosely on the "Dancing With the Stars" celebrity skating tours, this night of skating will be campy, fun and only half-professional.
Let's hope no one gets hurt, on or off the ice.
The Idaho Mountain Express went undercover recently to find out what's really going on behind the scenes as the day of competition approaches.
The event may be a fundraiser for do-gooder nonprofit organizations in the valley, but the competitive instinct among these local celebrities is bringing out a side of them we have not seen before.
"The competition is getting so intense that I see how a crowbar could enter the picture," said ski racer Langely McNeal.
If she wins the competition, she will give the $3,000 purse to the Sun Valley Ski Education Foundation.
"I have to say that I'm wary of getting my bike fixed at The Elephant's Perch, as Nappy Neaman might accidentally forget to reconnect my brakes," she said.
Neaman, who's hoping to raise funds for Galena Lodge, has been practicing a challenging routine with a "firey redhead" from Colorado. He took a break from practice Friday to speak with the Express. He said McNeal's suspicions are unfounded.
"I have to say, I think a little jealousy is coming in here," he said. "There are a lot of young athletes like Langely in this community who don't know how good the older ones have been in their heydays."
Neaman, who usually gets on the ice only for hockey, said he was looking forward to the competition.
"Just tell Langely, any time, any day, any sport, bring it on!" he yelled.
Even mild-mannered David Holmes, head of the Community School in Sun Valley, is getting a taste of how serious competition can be so far from the top. He hopes to raise money for the school. "Darlin Baker says to me 'show up for practice, skate hard, intimidate them. Take no prisoners!'" said Holmes, dressed in a costume that makes him look like a skating Elvis. "But I am an amateur for a reason. I ain't good at this skating thing."
Upon reflection, Holmes regained his composure.
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"There is no substitute for victory," he said.
Gal-about-town Liz Brown is new to ice skating.
"I'm from New Orleans. We have a lot of water down there, but no ice," she explained.
Nevertheless, Brown is practicing with professional skater Andrei "The Lift Master" Khvalko, who will expertly hoist her above his head for a turn around the ice during their routine.
"I have all of a sudden become a daredevil, because I will do anything for charity," Brown said.
She is competing to raise funds for Company of Fools and Sagebrush Equine Training Center for the Handicapped.
Brown credits Trina Peters and Rebecca Hemingway with starting the ball rolling for this entertaining community event, but dozens more are chipping in to make it a success, especially the figure skating community, which is trying to whip these novices into shape in time for Saturday night.
Nordic ski racer Muffy Ritz has been working hard on her routine so she can bring some money to the VAMPS Nordic women's scholarship fund.
"Do you think they will want us in the Sun Valley Ice Shows next year?" she asked.
The event judges are Linda Fratianni, former Olympic silver medalist, and the first competitor to land triple jumps in competition, man-about-town Kipp Nelson (who is rumored to bring an alter-ego to such events) and Chanel DaSilva, a principal dancer with the Trey McIntyre Project.
The judges' estimates of talent will only make up 50 percent of the competitors' scores.
The other 50 percent will be based on audience responses, which will be tested scientifically with custom-designed "applause-o-meters."
Tickets for the evening cost $20 and can be purchased by contacting www.BattleoftheBlades.org, Iconoclast Books in Ketchum or The Yellow Brick Road in Hailey, or by calling 622-8020.
Tony Evans: tevans@mtexpress.com
Battle of the Blades' good causes:
- Liz Brown: Company of Fools and SETCH.
- Ron Fairfax: Hailey Ice.
- Mat Gershater: greenscool and Idaho Base Camp.
- Don Haisley: Hemingway Elementary Publishing House.
- David Holmes: Community School.
- Doran Key: Animal Shelter of the Wood River Valley.
- Langely McNeal: Sun Valley Ski Education Foundation.
- Nappy Neaman: Galena Lodge.
- Muffy Ritz: VAMPS scholarship fund.
Hailey dentist Ron Fairfax puts his hockey skates to a new use during a training session with pairs skating star Elena Leonova. Photo by Willy Cook
