Friday, August 12, 2011

Abridged Hollywood titles

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By CHRIS MILLSPAUGH

Have you ever noticed how the motion picture industry generally uses short titles for all their movies released to the public? They seem to think we're a bunch of idiots who can't remember anything over two words. As a public service this week, I did some exhaustive research and discovered the real title to many of those blockbusters.

"Sleepless in Seattle" is from a screenplay titled "Sleepless and Wet in Seattle, Tacoma, Tukwila, Kent, Renton and Federal Way." It's the story of an insomniac in the Northwest during the rainy season who uses his son as a yenta.

"The Wild Bunch" was derived from a script by Sam Peckinpaugh titled "The Wild Bunch Go to Mexico, Rob Trains, Other Bandidos, Are Eventually Annililated by Larger Forces and the Women Who Loved Them." And to think they shortened it.

"The Magnificant Seven" was once known as "The Magnificant Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten,

Eleven and Twelve and the Women Who Loved Them." How about that?

"Gone With the Wind" came from the little-known novel, "Gone With the Wind, Rain, Earth and Fire."

"All the President's Men" was derived from the novella titled, "All the President's Men, Women, Boys, Girls and the Call Girls Who Loved Them."

"Whales of August" was first known as the popular short story, "The Whales of August, September, October, November and December and the Orca Who Loved Them."

Nice talking to you and the people who loved you ...

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