I'm watching the Mariners/Yankees game on TV. It's New York 8, the Mariners 1 in the fifth inning. The Mariners, my team, have dropped 15 games in a row, which set a new franchise record. In 1992, the boys lost 14 in a row. That was nothing. We have a very good opportunity to lose our 16th straight tonight. I'm so proud. Just a few weeks ago, as I reported in this column, our closest major league team to Idaho was 43 and 43 and was a mere two and a half games out of first place. I was beside myself. Tonight, they'll have a record of 43 and 59; some 15 games out of first and mired in the cellar of the American League West Division. And you think you have problems?
But instead of being a negative influence on the Northwest, the boys have shown us that even fine sport stars can be miserable failures. Given that premise, we all can hold our heads up high. Sure your boss may ride you when you foul up a few times a day, but it's not like getting picked off first, or striking out four times or booting an easy grounder or throwing home in an effort to nail the runner and your throw hits a bat and ricochets into the home team's dugout. Your miscues are nothing in comparison. You're a champion when you get through the day without fouling up. You can drive home with a smile on your face at the end of the day with the knowledge that you did your job well.
You're a success. You're a winner.
But if you screw up 16 workdays in a row, the powers that be will probably just let you go and be happy as hell to do so. Not so with the Mariners. They're professionals and have contracts that pay them millions of dollars. The franchise can't get rid of them because of their contracts and the fact that no other team wants to take on hitters who can't hit, pitchers who can't pitch and base runners who get picked off.
So now the true fan wants to see a mediocre team become the worst of all time. We say, what's the record? Let's go for it. I believe that if we can lose a few more, we'll be close.
You, on the other hand, can try to eliminate your miscues at your job and achieve happiness, self-satisfaction and—do I dare say it—a pay raise.
My advice would be to stay out of baseball, excel at your job, watch the losers on TV go for the record, stay here and be proud.
Nice talking to you.