Friday, July 15, 2011

Mergers


By CHRIS MILLSPAUGH

Well, they left town. Allen and Co. and some of the world's most influential business moguls visited us here, counseled together and left town without any secrets spilling out to the media, no big deals struck and no major mergers revealed—until now.

I've heard that Disney and the WFW combined to form the Disney World Federation of Wrestling in which Disney cartoon characters fight the greatest wrestlers employed by Vince McMahon on Pay TV. This week "The Undertaker" will take on Goofy in a no-holds-barred event in Atlanta.

Also, Tel Star will merge with Starbucks to form Tel-Starbucks, a global satellite firm that spies on other coffee chains around the world 24 hours a day. In other news, Federal Express joined Playboy to form Fed X-Rated, a company that delivers racy movies to customers overnight. Additionally, Grey Poupon mustard and Dockers pants formed Poupon Pants.

< Not to be out done, Knotts Berry Farm moved with the National Organization of Women forming NOT NOW, an amusement park that excludes women. And, Stop & Shop has melded with A&P to create Stop & P, a nationwide chain of rest rooms. And the IRS is now with Ginsu knives making Tax Cuts a household favorite in April.

Net Flix, the newly formed corporation, now mails movies to your post office box by combining well-known movies into one. Titles such as "Up Yours Truly," "Mistaken Bourne Identity," "Citizen Caine Mutiny," "Dick and Jane Eyre" and "The Days of Wine and Rosemary's Baby" are awaiting your next order. Don't hesitate and stay up late.

Thank-you Allen and Co. for your generous donations to the economy of our valley and forgive me for revealing last week's secrets.

Nice talking to you.




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