Friday, April 22, 2011

Spring Cleaning Tips


By CHRIS MILLSPAUGH

The mountain closes this weekend and that will officially designate the coming of spring. It will be time to store away the skis and snowboards and snowshoes and get ready for the sports of summer. I encountered two sports of summer in the alley behind the Casino this week and asked them about how they go about getting ready for the warm times. The biggest change going from winter to summer is the annual spring cleaning rituals, which take place in the spring. Here, now, as a public service of this column, are their spring cleaning tips for Blaine County residents:

1. Take down all animal skins from the windows.

2. Release the collection of wine corks and plug up the "vole holes" located in the backyard.

3. Change oil in hair.

4. Torch remaining snow from the front yard and melt the snow fort.

5. Buzz cut all berms.

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6. Oil and lubricate anything that is supposed to move.

7. Duct tape everything that must stay in place.

8. Rotate dentures and meds.

9. "Manscaping."

10. Vow to run three miles a day. Stop when you reach Stanley or when Memorial Day Weekend begins.

11. Open line of credit with Home Depot.

12. Hang out with heavyset friends in order to appear slim until July Fourth.

13. Inventory and bury all woolen garments in time capsule.

14. Check all personal financial accounts and then cancel all vacation plans accordingly.

15. Consolidate all bills into one payment and send it to some address overseas.

16. Tattoo "Nice Talking To You" on your cheeks.




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