Friday, July 23, 2010

One With the Valley


By CHRIS MILLSPAUGH

It was a typically normal time in the Wood River Valley this week, filled with events that we all take for granted. However, for a visitor to the area it would all seem to be rather astounding.

Visitor: Excuse me, do you live here?

Local: Yes, I do.

Visitor: Is it true that a man was attacked by a maverick bat while fishing during the middle of the day this week?

Local: Yes, I heard that. What's your point?

Visitor: Well, I find that horrifying and strange.

Local: You do? Hey, we're not talking about "Dracula" here. He'll get some rabies shots and resume his life.

Visitor: I know, but the bat apparently acted alone. He wasn't in a swarm or anything.

Local: There's a lot of individual thinking in this community, pal. That's what makes Idaho great.

Visitor: Yeah, well then, what's the story on the bear in the cemetery?

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Local: Again, individualist thought on the part of the bear. He probably wanted to get away to a quiet place where he could reflect upon his life.

Visitor: In a tree?

Local: Why not? I do it all the time.

Visitor: So, do wild animals often turn up in populated areas?

Local: Well, yeah. All of them except the wolves of the Phantom Hill Pack.

Visitor: Phantom Hill Pack?

Local: Yeah, they're currently in hiding shedding their collars, but they'll be back.

Visitor: Why are they in hiding?

Local: Because they're not individualists.

Visitor: Oh.

Local: You see that, don't you?

Visitor: Well, where can I learn about these local individualists? Do you have courses at the local YMCA or YWCA?

Local: It's "Y-Lite" now. They answer to just "Y."

Visitor: Why? Never mind—individualist thought, right?

Local: Bingo.

Visitor: Nice talking to you.

Nice talking to YOU.




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