Friday, June 11, 2010

The Marketing Plan


By CHRIS MILLSPAUGH

Head Cheese: All right, listen up! We're all out here on a limb together because we said we could come up with a marketing plan that would save the city and the resort. We've got to get the people to come here, people, or we're all going to go under! Now I want to hear some solid marketing plans right now! No one is leaving until we come up with some results. All right, Johnson, what do you have?

Johnson: Well, I think because of the economy, millions of families have less of an income than they have had in years. They're drowning out there. Some don't have any income at all. We've got to be able to convince them that they should get away or they'll go crazy over the stress of trying to stay afloat. Any ideas? Murray?

Murray: I say we run a series of television commercials depicting people in trouble because they couldn't take a vacation. You know, your basic scenes of family spats, divorce proceedings, alcoholism, mental breakdowns and substance abuse. Drill it into them that if they don't take a holiday in the mountains, they could be facing broken homes, rehab, looney bins and various other horrors that would cost them more money in the long run.

Johnson: In other words, fear?

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Murray: Correct.

Johnson: Brilliant. How about you, Sanders?

Sanders: I'm into hate, myself. It's an equally intense emotion. I say we try to convince Mr. and Mrs. Joe Plumber that if they don't take a vacation they will be loathed by their children, their parents, their in-laws and their next-door neighbors. Send out a mass e-mailing to all concerned and pepper it with an occasional death threat.

Johnson: I like both of these suggestions very much! I like your style, gentlemen. What do you think, sir?

Head Cheese: I think we've got it. Get the graphics department on this right away. Our new concept for the marketing plan will be "Fear and Loathing From Idaho."

Nice talking to you.




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