Joe: Hey, Moe, I'm going to fix up my new house this week. Do you know of a handyman who needs to make a few bucks?
Moe: Sure, I can help you.
Joe: You? I didn't know you were handy?
Moe: Well, sure.
Joe: Do you have any tools?
Moe: No.
Joe: Do you know anything about plumbing?
Moe: No, can't say that I do.
Joe: How about wiring?
Moe: Uh ... no.
Joe: Can you paint a room?
Moe: Never have—I could try.
Joe: Can you caulk?
Moe: What's a caulk?
Joe: Never mind. No masonry experience, eh?
Moe: I used to watch Perry Mason in the '60s.
Joe: Can you install a bathroom vanity?
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Moe: I wouldn't let my ego get in the way. OK, I don't know what you're talking about.
Joe: I need to put in a back splash.
Moe: In a pool?
Joe: No. Do you have any ceramic tile knowledge?
Moe: No.
Joe: Do you know anyone with a truck you could borrow?
Moe: Can't say that I do.
Joe: How about a dolly?
Moe: Toy store?
Joe: Can you hang drapes?
Moe: Oh, I can hang.
Joe: You've put up drapery before?
Moe: No.
Joe: How would you fix the cracks in my driveway?
Moe: Duct tape?
Joe: No, cement.
Moe: I don't get it.
Joe: No, I don't think you do. Didn't your father teach you about tools?
Moe: He was a poet.
Joe: You're not handy at all, are you?
Moe: I am, too. I live right next door.
Nice talking to you...