Friday, June 4, 2010

Handy Man

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By CHRIS MILLSPAUGH

Joe: Hey, Moe, I'm going to fix up my new house this week. Do you know of a handyman who needs to make a few bucks?

Moe: Sure, I can help you.

Joe: You? I didn't know you were handy?

Moe: Well, sure.

Joe: Do you have any tools?

Moe: No.

Joe: Do you know anything about plumbing?

Moe: No, can't say that I do.

Joe: How about wiring?

Moe: Uh ... no.

Joe: Can you paint a room?

Moe: Never have—I could try.

Joe: Can you caulk?

Moe: What's a caulk?

Joe: Never mind. No masonry experience, eh?

Moe: I used to watch Perry Mason in the '60s.

Joe: Can you install a bathroom vanity?

<

Moe: I wouldn't let my ego get in the way. OK, I don't know what you're talking about.

Joe: I need to put in a back splash.

Moe: In a pool?

Joe: No. Do you have any ceramic tile knowledge?

Moe: No.

Joe: Do you know anyone with a truck you could borrow?

Moe: Can't say that I do.

Joe: How about a dolly?

Moe: Toy store?

Joe: Can you hang drapes?

Moe: Oh, I can hang.

Joe: You've put up drapery before?

Moe: No.

Joe: How would you fix the cracks in my driveway?

Moe: Duct tape?

Joe: No, cement.

Moe: I don't get it.

Joe: No, I don't think you do. Didn't your father teach you about tools?

Moe: He was a poet.

Joe: You're not handy at all, are you?

Moe: I am, too. I live right next door.

Nice talking to you...

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