Friday, May 21, 2010

Camping information

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By CHRIS MILLSPAUGH

Hello, may I help you?

Yes, my husband, our two kids and I are planning a camping trip into your neck of the woods at the end of May. Do you know what the temperature will be that day?

What day?

May 28th.

No, I don't.

Why not?

Because I'm not Nostradamus.

Oh. Well, my husband wants to know if he could land our seaplane on Redfish Lake and he needs to know what the temperature of the water will be in the middle of the water.

Fifty-eight degrees.

Really?

What do you want it to be?

Over 60 degrees.

Ok, 61.

Oh, good. Will there be a fireworks display going on at that time?

What time?

One-fifteen.

No.

OK. I also need to know about the threat of danger from wolves, bears and moose, what activities are available for 8-year-olds and where we can fire our weapons.

The animals will not want to have anything to do with you or your family, there's a day-care facility in the woods and law enforcement officers will meet your plane and explain all the rules of automatic weapons in the woods.

You've been very helpful. One last question?

Shoot—uh, scratch that. What else can I help you with?

How are the mosquitoes?

They're doing fine.

Thank you.

Nice talking to you.

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