Lately, I've found that I've been losing an inordinate amount of teeth from my skull. So much so that a 9-month-old baby girl of my acquaintance delights in the knowledge that she has more dental digits than yours truly. I find this troubling being upstaged by an infant. However, I must say, I have definitely led a much more exciting life than the little babe. Still, it's quite evident to me that I have, in all candor, most certainly arrived at the twilight years.
The subject of time, or in my case, time left, has reared its ugly head and as I grope around searching for solutions to prolong the golden years, or tarnished days, if you will, what did I stumble upon—none other than the concept of the Mayan Calendar in an article in USA Today written three years ago and titled, "Does Maya Calendar Predict 2012 Apocalypse?"
Suddenly, I recalled a motion picture I had seen in 2006 about Mayan civilization called "Apocalypto," directed and produced by that fine humanitarian, Mel "Kiss My Auk" Gibson. Since the debut of this film, several books have been written on the end of the world with the authors disagreeing about what humankind should expect on Dec. 21, 2012, when the Mayans' "long count" calendar marks the end of a 5,126-year era. Some Aztecs predicted the end of the world as we know it.
So, as my "new" teeth tumble into a plastic container at my bedside, I take heart that in a couple of years, these final series of indignities (the loss of precious body parts) will come to an end. Imagine my joy. Two years tops and all this madness will be over if you accept this Guatemalan premise.
I'm a happy man other that the fact that I couldn't get a date in Wells, Nev., on a Saturday night holding a fistful of hundred-dollar bills overhead. But, I digress. Let's sing "And now the end is near—I did it Maya way."
Nice talking to you.
