Friday, January 29, 2010

JOBS!


By CHRIS MILLSPAUGH

The State of the Union address was given Wednesday night and it turns out that the ailing job market is the greatest concern in the nation. But what about the state of the county—Blaine, that is? There's a lot of good people unemployed up here in this, one of the wealthiest counties in Idaho. Construction and painting contracts are practically nonexistent. No one is hiring. Families are struggling and the bills keep mounting up. We've got to help these folks—there must be jobs for all of us. There must be employment positions in this valley that have to be filled. I have a few suggestions:

Gondola washer—bring your squeegee, Windex and a pail and spiff up those luxury boxes.

Carpet peeler—peel the hairballs of cats off expensive shag rugs and reap the profits.

Doll doctor—mend the limbs of Barbie and her friends for the affluent youth of the valley.

Shotgun shell retriever at the Gun Club—much like a golf ball retriever at a driving range. A person could really clean up here.

Shopping cart wrangler—round up discarded shopping vehicles and bring them in for a fee.

Tribute band musicians—sing the songs and give homage to groups like "Rush," "White Snake" and "Los Lobos" for special parties.

History guide—take people on tours and tell the real stories of how the Wood River Valley always took care of its own.

Pothole marker—zero in on those nasty gaps in the highway pavement and relay the information to the Idaho Transportation Department for cash.

On the spot ski waxer for the Harriman Trail on those days when there is little snow to keep the classic and skate skiers on the path—for sliding fees.

Medical test subject for local labs who need to see the effects of the "Ketchum Crud," the "Walk of Shame Syndrome" and "Irritable Bowels Effects."

There's other jobs out there like robber barons, wine testers, carneys, fish mongers, hobos, steeple jacks and mattress testers. Where there's a will, there's a way. Why, last night, I started my new part—time job as a stage door Johnny at the NexStage Theatre where I thank everybody for coming and tell all of the performers that they are marvelous for a dollar's worth of good will. It's a job and I, like you, need the money.

Nice talking to you (no charge)




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