Friday, January 15, 2010

Because of the power outage


By CHRIS MILLSPAUGH

This week, I decided to send out my post-seasons-greeting cards to all of the people I deliberately avoided over the holidays. There just wasn't enough time to see everybody because I was so busy shopping for presents to give to friends and family on Christmas Day, which they never got to see because of the power outage. If I knew there was going to be a power outage, I could have saved a lot of money because no one would have been able to see what I got them because of the power outage.

The front of my post-seasons-greeting card is totally black, signifying the Christmas power outage. It was in my opinion and will remain so for the rest of my days, the darkest of all the Yuletide times I have ever experienced. When you open up the post-seasons-greeting card you'll see a lovely picture of a local family celebrating Christmas with lights, warmth and hot food—something we didn't get to experience because of the power outage.

I sign the card, "Wish I could have seen you over Christmas but I couldn't because of the power outage." Nice card, huh? Because of the impact that the power outage had on me, I've decided to incorporate its essence into my everyday life. It covers everything.

"Hey, I can't make it to work today because of the power outage." "I can't see you anymore because of the power outage." "Sorry I didn't show up but it was because of the power outage." "Sorry, Idaho Power, that my bill payment wasn't received but it was because of the power outage." "I would have loved to attend your function but I couldn't because of the power outage." You get the idea. It's our opportunity, don't you see, to do exactly what we want this year with absolutely no guilt whatsoever. "I couldn't because of the power outage." "I didn't because of the power outage." "I shan't because of the power outage."

It's going to be a good year. Why? Because of the power outage.

I'd like to say, "Nice talking to you," but I can't because of the power outage.




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