Friday, December 25, 2009

Gifts I Wish I Had Gotten


Don't get me wrong—I loved all the gifts I received for Christmas this morning, but I'm tired of books, videos and ties. You read them, you watch them, you tie your nooses and then what? It's over. I would prefer to get a gift that keeps on giving all year, like, for instance, free taxi service to work and back every day of the winter. Pick me up, dump me at the office, come back and get me at the end of the day and take me home. No fuss, no muss. Now that's a gift!

Or, how about free snow shoveling of my walk, my driveway, my porch and several places in the yard all winter long. Love that gift!

What's better than that? How about free heat for the winter? How about a free door pass at Whiskey's all year round? What about free health care and the doctor comes to me when I am free. I wouldn't mind free laundering and dry cleaning, free food and drinks and free pet care for the year, including feeding, walking and trips to the vet. That's what's known as gift giving, Christmas fans!

Hey, while I'm on the subject, why not free rent, free phone bills, free lawn care in the summer and free books delivered to my house by the gals at the front desk at The Community Library. Great gifts? You betcha!

But the gift that really caught my eye this season was given to a 6-year-old girl of my acquaintance by her loving parents. It's called Baby Alive, and this doll talks, reasons, motivates, wheedles and obeys the little girl's commands without question. It's adorable! I want one. But I want one a tad bit older, like about in her early 40s. We can call her Baby Fox Alive and she'll be loving and kind and affectionate and never have headaches. She'll be able to hold her tongue, her liquor and me. She'll always be up to playing and saying things like, "I understand" or "Who's better than you?" She'll be cheerful in the morning and will always want to stay up late. She's Baby Fox Alive and I believe that I love her. What's under your tree?

Merry Christmas and nice talking to you.

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