Sure, it's a little early, but I thought I'd present "The Thanksgiving Column" this week so we can prepare for this wonderful family day and remember how we celebrate here in Blatant County:
Please pass the stuffing.
What do you mean by that?
Nothing. I want to eat some stuffing.
All right, all right, I put on a little weight this year and I ...
Oh, don't listen to her! I'll get you the damn stuffing!
I don't want it now.
Oh, you're too good to accept the stuffing from me, pity-pot?
Could everybody just calm down? Now, what do you want?
The stuffing.
Will someone pass him the freakin' stuffing!
He won't get it from me, that's for sure!
Me neither! As far as I'm concerned, he ...
Hey! Give the guy the stuffing!
Oh, sure. Take his side!
I'm not taking any sides. The man asked for stuffing and ...
Look, I don't want it now!
Well, what do you want?
I'll take some cranberry sauce if it's all right with you!
Sauce? Oh, you think I'm sauced, do you?
No, just please pass the cranberry sauce. Apparently I'm not allowed to have any of the stuffing!
Oh, blow it out your blowhole! Here's the damned stuffing and the damned cranberry sauce! Are you happy now? What the hell else do you want, you whiny little ...
Yams!
Well, what about the rest of us? Does it all have to be about you?
Hey, all I wanted is to ...
Well, there's others here waiting to eat as well, you ...
Oh, I know! I know! I heard them!
What's that supposed to mean?
Nothing!
What else can I get for you? How about a cab? Huh?
Happy Thanksgiving, kids, and ... nice talking to you!
