Friday, September 18, 2009

Astrological Stress


By CHRIS MILLSPAUGH

If you're experiencing a particularly stressful period of time right now, here's why. Pluto is at a hard angle to Mercury, which will be retrograde from the 7th of September to the 29th. As you well know, when Mercury goes retrograde, everything goes out of whack. Back up your computers, kids, we're in for a bumpy two-week ride. Not only that, Saturn will conjoin with Uranus to oppose the sun in Virgo. And, if that's not enough, Saturn and Uranus will oppose the moon in heat. Talk about a bummer! If it weren't for Jupiter and the newly found planet Chiron, we would all be up the proverbial creek without a paddle heading out to the open sea. This particular alignment won't happen again for 28 years, so plan your life accordingly if you happen to make it to 2037.

There's only a few safe ways to get through this "Hell Period." Don't leave your house, don't answer the phone and unplug anything that is electrical, especially the computer, the television and curling irons.

You think I'm kidding? I've been through this celestial alignment before and it wasn't very pretty—don't press me—I don't want to talk about it. Suffice to say, don't sign anything, don't start a new business and stay away from doors, windows or other means of entrance to your domicile. As for work, take an early vacation, call in sick and stay inside, preferably in the back of the house in the closet in the dark, heavily armed. You're forbidden to drive or be seen in a motor vehicle until things ease up around the second week in October after the Trailing of the Sheep Festival.

Sure, it's inconvenient to heed these warnings, but I'm tellin' you, cover your assets, don't text and wait as calmly as you can.

Nice talking to you.




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