Friday, August 14, 2009

Crossing at the Rally

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By CHRIS MILLSPAUGH

(Phantom Hill - 10:30 a.m., Aug. 8, 2009)

(Two deer, Joe Buck and Jane Doe getting ready to cross Highway 75)

Jane: What do you think, Joe, should we cross now?

Joe: Wait a sec. Let me check.

Jane: It's pretty quiet except for those humans waiting on the road up there.

Joe: Okay, I don't see any of those man-vehicles com-

WHOOOOOOSH!

Jane: What the hell was that?

Joe: I don't know! Are you all right?

Jane: I don't know! Am I? That thing wasn't from this forest!

Joe: I could make out one word - Lamborghini!

Jane: That's the fastest sheep I ever saw in my life!

Joe: Well, whatever it was, it's way gone by now! Let's cro-

WHOOOOOOSH!

Jane: Holy-

Joe: Did you see tha-

Jane: I didn't see nada—just smoke. Is it a fireball?

Joe: Damn! How are we going to get across the road?

Jane: Bike trail?

Joe: They've been closed. We'll just have to wait.

Jane: I can't wait. I've got a young'n to care for. I'll just go n-

WHOOOOOOOSH!

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Jane: Sonava-!

Joe: Okay, get back! How important is Bambi anyway?

Jane: Damn fine point! Oh-oh, there's a moose coming.

Joe: Oh, no. They're not afraid and they'll charge anything!

Jane: Stop him, Buck!

Joe:.....................

Jane: Buck, aren't you going to stop him? He'll wreck that fireball!

Joe:......................

Jane: JOE!

Joe: I'm thinking, I'm thinking...

Nice talking to you.