Friday, July 17, 2009

Bear Facts

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By CHRIS MILLSPAUGH

There's been an awful lot of bear sightings in the last few weeks in our area. The reports from locals and tourists alike have been startling, to say the least. Fact or fiction, truth or dare, like all myths, they are true.

"The bear came in my kitchen through the patio, opened the refrigerator door, ate a whole cooked, free-range chicken, a ham hock and drank four beers. Then, he sat in my Lazy-Boy, turned on the TV and ate the remote. Every time he belched, he changed the channel until it came to Animal Planet."

"We were on the 11th hole at the golf course in Elkhorn and had to let two bears, one black and one cinnamon colored, play through. They scared the hell out of us. They were huge. The black one got down in four."

"I was cutting timber over in Decker Flat, minding my business, when a big one came out of nowhere, grabbed my keys and drove off in my Ford F-250 with a quarter of a cord load. He even put the tag permit on the back. I've never seen anything like it."

"I saw one riding in the Gondola to the top of Baldy. He had his whole family with him and a map."

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"I couldn't use the bathroom on Galena Summit because there was one in the men's room reading a copy of the Idaho Mountain Express on the pot. No wonder they shut the facilities down."

Keep your eyes open this summer, folks. Apparently, those critters are everywhere.

Nice talking to you.