Friday, June 19, 2009

Donít Drink and Dry


By CHRIS MILLSPAUGH

Moe: Hey! You're all wet!

Joe: Well, yahhh. It's pouring outside.

Moe: Haven't seen you in a while. What has it been, a month?

Joe: Yeah, that would have been when it wasn't raining.

Moe: It's always raining. I don't recall when it hasn't.

Joe: Well, June is busting out all over. It's been a complete bust. I had plans.

Moe: Can't get anything done?

Joe: Can't work in my yard, can't go camping, can't travel anywhere.

Moe: Do what I do.

Joe: What?

Moe: I drink.

Joe: You're way out of line.

Moe I drink heavily. As a matter of fact, I've been drinking since May 28th. It's great.

Joe: How can that possibly be great?

Moe: I don't worry about doing nothin'.

Joe: You don't?

Moe: And ... I'm dry.

Joe: Well, I wouldn't say dry.

Moe: You know what I mean. I'm not wet from the rain.

Joe But you're blotto! You're three sheets to the wind.

Moe: Wind, yes. Rain, no. Cocktail?

Joe: You know I gave up drinking.

Moe: So? Start.

Joe: It's not going to make the rain stop.

Moe: How do you know that?

Joe: I just know. Look at you, you're hammered!

Moe: I'm dry, and yet, wet. Whereas you're soaked and sober.

Joe: Hey, I've got enough to worry about to start.

Moe: See? I don't.

Joe: How can you afford to drink? What about your bills?

Moe: What about 'em?

Joe: Your creditors will come after you.

Moe: Fine, I'll be right here drinking and being dry.

Joe: You're in total denial! I'm going outside and will get wet again and I'll be better off!

It will stop raining soon, won't it?

Don't drink and dry. Nice talking to you.




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