Friday, May 22, 2009

Everyone Has A Flaw


By CHRIS MILLSPAUGH

As I write this, a man on his ninth cocktail is yelling at his three cats in his back yard, directing them to obey. Now, that's funny. Cats don't listen to human beings, let alone care. Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. They have never forgotten that. You can't yell at cats as if they are dogs. That's ludicrous. Have you ever seen eight cats pulling a toboggan through the snow? I didn't think so. You yell at a cat to do something and they just take a message and get back to you later. Cats have enormous patience with the limitations of humankind. Cats take hours preening themselves, whereas a dog will be equally happy rolling on a dead fish. Cats have the same look, whether they're staring at a moth or an axe murderer. They're cats. Some people have cats and go on to lead normal lives. Such is not the case here. Now, don't get me wrong. This "cat corrector" is a fine, wonderful man. Apparently, there are just people who were put on Earth to be ignored by the feline. He thinks he can herd, train and control cats. Everyone has a flaw.

On the other side of the street, a woman is reasoning with a puppy who has just ate her drapes, rolled in road kill and swallowed her shoes. "Bad dog," she admonishes. Puppy belches and rolls on his back wagging his tail. "Don't you realize that you can't do these things?" "Sorry," says the pup while he licks her face. "All right," says the woman. "Now come along and eat your dinner and stop with the foul emissions of gas, Good boy!" Everyone has a flaw.

Down the road is a man who has no pets. As a matter of a fact, he has no relationships with any living being. He doesn't yell at anybody. He likes to sit and stare at the mountains. He smiles because he doesn't have to deal with anybody. His drapes are intact, his shoes are shined and safe. There are no odors emanating from his home. He writes in his journal and drinks iced tea and watches. He's happy being alone. He doesn't need anyone. Everyone has a flaw.

Nice talking to you.




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