Friday, May 15, 2009

The Ides of May


By CHRIS MILLSPAUGH

Moe: "Where in the hell have you been?"

Joe: "I was up in Bozeman workin' on a spec house."

Moe: "Make any money?"

Joe: "I did pretty good. I didn't see any of it, though. I had the contractor send my checks directly to my bank account."

Moe: "That was smart. Who do you bank with?"

Joe : "First Bank of Idaho."

Moe: "Oh."

Joe: "Whaduhya' mean, 'Oh'?"

Moe: "Nothing."

Joe: "What do you have against the First Bank of Idaho?

Moe: "Nothing, it's just—"

Joe: "Come on! It's the local bank. All the tellers know my name. It's open to 6 on Fridays. There's an ATM for cash. They got online banking so you can shift funds around. They gave me a line of credit. They order checks for you. They got friendly loan officers—hey, they gave me a loan to help save the wolves. They cover a check for you before you get paid 'cause they know you'll be in the next day to cover it and you don't get nicked for a non-sufficient funds charge. They got cookies and red licorice and I can even bring my dog in and they give him treats. What's the matter with that? It's a great bank!"

Moe: "It went down,"

Joe: "What was that?"

Moe: "The bank was taken over by the F.D.I.C."

Joe: "I'm sorry, wha?"

Moe: "It's now the U.S. Bank. Your money is in the U.S, Bank. Oh, and your loan."

Joe: "Yeah?"

Moe: "No mo'. You got to negotiate a new loan."

Joe: "I think I'm gonna' be sick. I feel like Caesar when Brutus stabbed him."

Moe: "Welcome to the Ides of May. Now, about those wolves. ..."

Nice talkin' to you.




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