Friday, February 6, 2009

":" Cleansers


By CHRIS MILLSPAUGH

(At the bar.)

Moe: "What's up?"

Joe: "What's up? I'll tell you what's up. My waistline is up, my bills are up and I'm fed up with everything."

Moe: "Yeah, I know. The economy sucks. I don't know what to tell you about that. But have you tried a colon cleanser?"

Joe: "I beg your pardon?"

Moe: "A colon cleanser. It eliminates all the ... "

Joe: Yeah, I get it. I've got better things to do than hang out in the can all day."

Moe: "No, it's the latest thing on the Internet—colon cleansers and acai berries."

Joe: "I'm not shoving berries up my ... "

Moe: "No, it's one pill in the morning and one at night and you eat the berries."

Joe: "All right, how much?"

Moe: "About $70 for a month's supply for the colon cleanser and $80 for the berries."

Joe: "One hundred and fifty dollars per month? That's $1,800 a year! Can't I try it first and see if it works?"

Moe: "Try is the operative word. You give them your credit card number to cover the shipping and handling and then they hit your card automatically for the $150 after the trial period. It works!"

Joe: "Can't I cancel?"

Moe: "You can try but it's no use. They won't respond. But your colon is clean."

<

Joe: "And I'm out about two grand a year."

Moe: "Yes, but you'll lose weight and your colon will be spotless."

Joe: "And I'll be more broke than I am now. I don't need to spend money. I need to save it."

Moe: "How about free eggs?"

Joe: "I beg your pardon?"

Moe: "The city of Hailey says you can raise chickens inside the limits."

Joe: "Chickens?"

Moe: "Yeah, they're allowing three chickens per household."

Joe: "Yeah, well, how about all that chicken waste all over the yard?"

Moe: "Give them the colon cleanser."

Joe: "And the acai berries?"

Moe: "Chickens will eat anything."

Joe: "That's your answer to my problems—colon cleansers and chickens?"

Moe: "That's all I got."

Joe: "Well, you're full of ... "

Moe: "Not anymore. I got eggs and my colon's pristine."

Joe: "Bartender! Make mine a double and tell my friend to shut up!"

Moe: "Nice talking to you!"




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