Friday, November 7, 2008

Saraldo


By CHRIS MILLSPAUGH

Sound from TV: "Political also-rans and the men who loved them ... next on Saraldo!"

Open on dark TV studio.

Theme music up—"North to Alaska."

Voiceover: "Welcome ladies and gentlemen to CBS's brand new afternoon talk show. You loved her at the convention. You loved her at the rallies. You loved her on Saturday Night Live. The Columbia Broadcasting System proudly presents the new darling of the talk show circuit. Here she is, Saraldo!

Lights Up. Music continues.

Voiceover: Today's guests are Joe Lieberman, Joe Six Pack and Joe the Plumber!

Loud applause as Saraldo takes the stage waving at the audience, crosses to an L-shaped couch area and sits down.

Saraldo: "Thank you, everyone. I'm very excited about havin' my own show. In the days to come we will be talkin' to a lot of people who are on the rebound and lookin' for a job. Here's my first guest, a Democratic senator who crossed over and supported the Republican Party and John McCain. Say hello to Joe Lieberman!

Joe L: "What happened?"

Saraldo: Joe, we lost."

Joe L: "We did? Oh, no. I've got some calls to make!" (exits)

Saraldo: "Okie-dokie. Well, here's my next guest—Joe Six Pack!

Joe 6-Pack careens wildly onto the stage, drains a beer, falls over the couch and passes out.

Saraldo: "Could I get some help out here? Here's the guest you've been waiting for: Joe the Plumber!"

Joe enters, sprawls on the couch and says: "Howzitgoin?"

Saraldo: "What are you goin' to do now, Joe?"

Joe the P: "I got a job fixin' Larry Craig's bathroom in Washington."

Saraldo: "What about all those offer you got from Nashville?"

Joe: "The phone stopped ringin'. I'm broke."

Saraldo: "Oh well, at least you won't have to pay taxes in the new administration."

Joe: "Obama—I love that guy!

Saraldo: "And that's all the time we have today. Join me tomorrow and my guests, George Bush, Dick Cheney and Bullwinkle on the next Saraldo! Nice talkin' to ya'."




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