Friday, October 3, 2008

Power of the press


By CHRIS MILLSPAUGH

So, I'm walking north on Main Street the other day and staring at the ruins of Whiskeys' and that other building when I suddenly realize there's a tourist guy walking right beside me step for step. Now, this is kind of awkward, isn't it? What do you do? Do you strike up conservation? Well, I don't feel like talking for one reason or another so I decide that my best move would be to speed up and try to beat him to the light. We locals are very competitive, don't you know. And, besides, if I got there first I would be able to push the walk button at Sun Valley Road and, at the time, that was very important to me.

It must have been very important as well to the guy at City Hall who put in the walk button: "Hey, let's give the pedestrians something to do at the corner other than watch for oncoming vehicles. Let's make them press something,"

So. I press the walk button because I got there first and the tourist comes up and says, "Did you press the walk button?" I say, "Yes."

And then I think, "What if I didn't press it hard enough?" Then, some voice from out of nowhere says, "Wait."

While I'm looking around for the person who told me to wait, the tourist guy says, "Maybe you should press it again."

I say, "I pressed it. I pressed it. This light takes half an hour." But, I press it again and the light changes and the walk sign lights up. I say to myself, "I did it. I changed the entire traffic pattern in the whole town. I have immense power."

Meanwhile, the tourist guy is smiling smugly because he thinks he has the power because he told me to press the walk button.

We cross the street together and he's right away in lockstep with me again and I'm thinking, "What, are we on a date?" So, I slow up and let him go ahead because, after all, I do control the traffic in town. Then I remember what that little old lady in New York City said years ago when she was standing next to me at the traffic light:

"Sonny, it's the cars that hit ya, not the lights."

Nice talking to you.




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