Friday, May 30, 2008

Hailey - 4:20 p.m.


By CHRIS MILLSPAUGH

Where is everybody? The streets appeared to be deserted in the fair town of Hailey. Everyone seemed to be at home. I had driven down to talk with people on the street about the results of the latest election at 4:20 in the afternoon, but there's no one around. I saw a man going into a convenience store. I parked my car, went inside, spotted the man at the check-out stand and overheard the following conversation as the store clerk went over his purchases:

Clerk: O.K., four Tootsie Rolls, two boxes of Dots, M&M's, Cheetos, Yoo-hoo six-pack, jelly beans, gum drops, glazed doughnuts, three two-liter Pepsis, popcorn and seven hot nachos. Is that everything?

Man: Wha--?

Clerk: Is that everything?

Man: No, it's not everything, there's so much more.

Clerk: Well, where is it?

Man: You've got to look around. Look inside yourself.

Clerk: Yeah, whatever. Do you want something else?

Man: Well, sure, but one can't have everything. Where would I put it?

Clerk: All right, pal, that'll be $37.50.

Man: That's nothing. Here's $40. Give the rest to the Hailey Hemp Ranch.

Clerk: No gas today?

Man: I'm above it. I ride a bike to spite the OPEC cartel.

Clerk: Fine, have a nice day.

Man: What does that mean?

Spa: Excuse me, sir. May I ask you a few questions about the last election?

Man: Election?

Spa: Yes. It was reported that three out of four of the marijuana reform initiatives were passed by the voters here in Hailey.

Man: They were?

Spa: Well, yes. Didn't you vote Tuesday?

Man: Tuesday...

Spa: Yes.

Man: I don't recall.

Spa: You don't know whether or not you voted on Tuesday?

Man: No, and don't be so accusatory.

Spa: Sorry, but I don't understand why you ...

Man: There are many things we don't understand.

Spa: So you didn't vote.

Man: Perhaps.

Spa: Thank you for your time.

Man: It's all that I have.

Well, not everybody voted on the four initiatives. If they did, maybe all four would have passed?

Nice talking to you.




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