Friday, March 7, 2008

Baseball Speak


Yes, sport fans, it's that time again. Major league baseball has started its spring training season. Pitchers and catchers have been in camp for the last two weeks and the exhibition games have begun. Sure the off-season was riddled with steroid stories and investigations, but so what? Baseball players don't lie. Sure, the boys are a little bigger this spring and their heads have swelled a bit due to those silly human growth syndrome shots, creams and suppositories, but one thing remains the same--their brilliant gift of gab and truth exhibited in baseball interviews.

Reporter: So, are you glad the new season's finally here?

Player: I'm just glad to be here. I just want to help the team any way I can.

Reporter: How do you think you guys will do this year?

Player: We're going to take the whole season one game at a time.

Reporter: Well, where do you think you'll finish?

Player: If we stay healthy, we should be right up there.

Reporter: This was the first game you pitched in the last six months, right?

Player: I didn't have my good stuff, but I battled 'em all day.

Reporter: You gave up 14 runs in four innings.

Player: Well, give the other team credit. They hit a lot of good pitches.

Reporter: It seemed like you were just serving them up there today.

Player: I just went right after them.

Reporter: They scored eight runs in the first inning off you.

Player: You just can't pitch behind,

Reporter: And, you were behind the hitters all day.

Player: I did my best and that's all I can do.

Reporter: You hit the first four batters starting off.

Player: I had my at-'em ball going today.

Reporter: You gave up 17 hits.

Player: I wasn't getting my off-speed pitches over, so they were sitting on my fastball.

Reporter: Yeah, they were smashing the ball at will off you.

Player: I had some great plays made behind me tonight.

Reporter: Well, I thought so, too. You could have given up 20 runs.

Player: With a couple of breaks, we win that game.

Reporter: What are you—delusional?

Player: I couldn't have done it without my teammates.

Reporter; You mean you're blaming them?

Player: It's a long season. We'll get 'em tomorrow.

Reporter: I don't think so.

Player: The team seems ready to gel.

Reporter: Everything's a cliché with you, isn't it?

Player: Yeah? What about you? Go ahead--say it!

Reporter: All right, you got me. Nice talking to you ...

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