Friday, February 15, 2008

Valentine?s Day Aftermath


By CHRIS MILLSPAUGH

Did you get a Valentine's Card? Never mind that? Did you give one? Were you supposed to? Did you forget? How could you have forgotten? It was all over the media for the last few weeks—television, radio, newspapers, magazines, Internet—they were all reminding you to buy those flowers, those teddy bears, the candy, the love card. And, yet, you forgot, didn't you? Someone will be evaluating your lapse of memory and judgment. That someone has already eliminated you from their "five." That someone is now just a faint memory. What are you going to do? How can you possibly win them back? Well, you can't! It's all over, pal. It's time to move on. You forgot!

OK, now what? Well, you'll have to move on, won't you? You have to get out of town and leave everything. There's no use quibbling. You're finished in this burg. You forgot.

Maybe you can start all over again in another part of the country. You could change your name, get a low-paying job, live in a four-story walk-up and blend in. Then, one night after working at your job cleaning up at an oyster bar, you'll probably meet someone again. It won't be the same, but what are you going to do, live alone? Of course not. Another Valentine's Day will come and this will be kind of a test for you. You'll remember this time, won't you?

I don't think so! You'll blow it again. You've developed a pattern now. You are a St. Valentine's Day failure—a fumbling, awkward, bumbling loser in the game of love.

So, you keep moving—another town, another job, another casual, seedy romance after work in a dimly lit bar. You'll get into your new life and everything will be going well. Then, winter comes followed by Christmas and New Year's, Martin Luther King Day, Groundhog Day and some other day after that ... Oh!

You'll do it again, you thoughtless mental cripple. You will continue to keep forgetting year after year. You'll keep on moving. You'll keep on starting over. You'll keep on falling in love. What's the matter with you? All you had to do is buy the Valentine's card—an expression of caring, a minute token of love, that's all for crying out loud. One lousy card that could have changed your stupid, miserable little life. And, you forgot. Pity the fool.

Nice talking to you.




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