Friday, January 18, 2008

A man with a plan


By CHRIS MILLSPAUGH

It's the third week of the year. So, how are you doin'? The holidays are over. The bills are coming in. Tax payments loom around the corner. The nights are cold. There's plenty of snow for the tourists and local athletes. Everybody's got a cold or feeling under the weather. And to top it all off, all those plans you made on the first of the year are slowly shifting and fading away. It's hard to act on your plans when this happens. Sometimes all you can do is react. What can you do to restore that elusive feeling of hope? Well, you create a new plan, of course.

Okay, this plan has to be grounded more in reality. (I hate that.) This time maybe you'll have to lower your expectations. Things change and you have to adapt. (I really hate that.) All right, you've designated four major ways that you are going to receive additional income this year. Each one of the four has failed. (Nothing's perfect.) It's time for a new list grounded, remember, in reality. What is reality in the new world of 2008? Let's see.

After the threat of a political race based on race, Democratic Party officials are now locking arms seated around the campfire of tolerance and swaying back and forth as they sing, "Kumbaya." The Republican Party candidates have all been nice but haven't really decided who is going to step up yet with everyone claiming that they are the one. The war is still going on but "the Surge" has lessened the killings. O.J. is free but his bail has been doubled and his judge has scolded him. And how about this? The American Civil Liberties Union is arguing that people who have sex in a public bathroom stall have an expectation of privacy.

"What happens in the toilet, remains in the toilet."

In other words, a public bathroom stall is a sanctuary and free from the laws of man.

Therefore, this is my new plan. I'm moving into a private bathroom stall in a truck stop on Highway 84 with a lap top, a cell phone, plenty of booze and some key pharmaceuticals to design my new plan. Next week, I will reveal this new plan. There's still hope!

Until then, nice talking to you.




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