It's snowing. Christmas lights are gleaming. Merchants' cash registers are ringing. There's peace in the valley of the Wood River. Is there nothing for me to stir up? Stir up? How about some holiday cocktails with your friends?
The George W. holiday cocktail - Fill 1/2 of an empty glass with Bushmills, add ale, blend while high with a twist of truth and deny you ever swallowed it.
The Dick Cheney holiday cocktail - Halliburton bitters, neat with a floater of bird pellets. Shoot it into your friend's face.
The Roger Clemens holiday cocktail - Four millimeters of HGH (human growth hormones) and water, add Miguel Tejada Tequila, smile and shoot it into your backside.
The Brittany Spears holiday cocktail - Pour 7 ounces of "Bomboy" gin with shaved ice into a kid's meal container, drain it and don't show up the next day.
The "Butch" Otter holiday cocktail - One fifth of Wolfschmidt vodka poured into a bota bag with snow and ice to make an "Alpha Slush." Stir it up and serve it with a monitoring device and a wilderness map.
The Larry Craig holiday cocktail - An ounce of "whine" served in a wide tumbler with deep water, a touch of denial and garnish the wages.
The Mike Huckabee holiday cocktail - A hickory daiquiri with Christian Brothers served with hope and a floating cross.
Okay, okay, I was just foolin' around. My hope is that you all have a wonderful holiday season with all of your friends and families. Cheers!
Nice talking to you...