Sometimes, perspective has nothing to do with reality, and for a handful of Ketchum residents Valentine's Day is a welcome, though insufficient, reprieve from a culture that doesn't put enough emphasis on empathy or loving.
"Love is about vulnerability, and our culture doesn't allow people to express that part of themselves because it shows weakness," said Jim Finch. "They almost give you a hard time if you're sappy."
To that extent, Finch observed, Valentine's Day is almost over-the-top in the opposite effect it has. On Valentine's Day, people give you a hard time if you're not sappy.
Finch and a handful of others batted ideas around Monday afternoon at the Coffee Grinder café in Ketchum. Pink and white streamers dangled from the ceiling. Proprietor Nicola Potts recounted Friday evening when children descended on the Grinder to make Valentine's Day cards.
Most agreed that Valentine's Day is nice in concept but insufficient in the lessons people generally take with them into the rest of the year.
Mark Reitinger started with an oft-heard line.
"It's a total capitalistic holiday," he said.
But the conversation went a lot deeper than that, and his wife took the next dig in the Valentine's Day soil.
"If loving were such a special part of your culture, would you notice a difference on a particular day?" asked Becky Reitinger.
Alenjandra Maguina is from Peru, and she couldn't agree more. Americans should take a look every now and then outside of their own country.
"Americans in general aren't as happy or loving as other cultures," she said. "They're in a hurry all the time, and they don't pay attention to important, simple stuff. Americans don't take the time. They like to give to themselves."
Thanksgiving, as an American holiday, is more about empathy than Valentine's day, observed Pam Grant.
"We're in an age of narcissism," she said. "We're more concerned about ourselves and how we're doing and how self-actualized we are. We've kind of lost concern for other people. It's all about me."
Mark Reitinger put it this way.
"I think we're only empathetic when the chips are down, and then we're loving. Empathy triggers the love sometimes."
Grant finished the thought.
"But we only work on the empathy when someone's hurting," she said.
Becky Reitinger said everyone needs to get better at feeling those parts of themselves that are afraid to be exposed, are afraid to give selflessly. All the cliches apply.
"It's all about love," she said. "It's about touching that part of you that's a little deeper."
