by Chris Millspaugh
So, Christmas Eve I slip, fall down and injure my back. I spend the entire holidays flat on the floor and talk to friends and family by phone as they all celebrate. Would I have done that if I was younger? Of course. Another year gone and one on the way in. They're all runnin' together now. Everybody I know is getting older. Some say it's the aging process. I say it's not about aging. Some say it's just the nature of things. I think not. There are those who claim you can't stop Father-Time. I say different. Many proclaim we're all just getting older each day. I spit on their shirts. Often I hear, "you're not as young as you used to be." Often, I punch that person square in the mouth. Some muse, you might as well act your age. I look them in the eye and drool on their shoes. Others warn, don't be childish. I belch right in their face. I've had people tell me, "Aren't you a little too old to be doing that?" I smile and fill my pants. Some chide, "Now, act your age." I spin around and gurgle. One woman said our age difference was too great. I agreed and asked her if she had any younger friends.
Aging is all in the mind and I've got half a mind not to do it anymore. I'm tired of all my heroes riding off into the sunset. I want to keep them all here with me forever. I'm entirely capable of living a completely normal existence. OK, so, sometimes I go into a room and I don't know why I went there. So what? Of course, it's a little irksome when you live in an efficiency condo and it's not another room, it's a wall and I still don't know why I'm facing it. But, so what? I face a lot of things. Youth runs the world. I faced that. But, what if you still feel young. How about that? I'm young at heart. As a matter of fact, since I had a bypass last year, my heart is actually one year old. I'm a toddler, for cryin' out loud! I like to laugh and sing and play like a toddler. I even walk like a toddler in the snow. I walk like a toddler when I'm leaving a downtown Main Street bar. I'm adorable.
So, I cut my toenails with an utility knife. Who am I hurtin'? So, I forget names of my children and closest friends. So what? Have I stayed too late at the prom? Maybe. But, I'm a dancer. That's what proms need and I'll be here all next year. Thank-you! Try the veal!
They asked me to write the last column of the year so I guess I should make some predictions. But, first, let's review...
OK, I forget what happened last year. Can we move on?
I predict for next year that I will go to work almost every day. Everyone I know (except David Blampied who claims he does not) will age one more year. The Idaho Mountain Express will publish all the news every week on Wednesday and Friday. The three radio stations (KECK, KSKI and KXYZ) will be on every day. Channel 13 TV, KMVT will tell everyone what's happening in Sun Valley every day and night. There will be snow the first quarter of the year, mud the next quarter followed by the hottest summer ever, with a lot of great concerts and plays. Then, in autumn there'll be ore wagons, sheep, jazz, turkey day, and back to Christmas and Jimmy T. will say, "How yooou doin'?"
Now, let's talk about what I hope to happen next year: The situation in Iraq will stabilize and our troops will come home. Local law enforcement officers will all wear taser guns.
There will be plenty of snow for the skiers, plenty of water for the farmers and ranchers and plenty of money for everyone to catch up on their bills. There will be sanity and good will in local politics and no lawsuits will be filed. Long time projects will be successfully finished, drivers will be more careful on the roads and misunderstandings will be rectified. People will be kinder to one another, children will be safer and families will stay together.
Most of all, I hope all of you will have a wonderful, prosperous New Year.
Nice talking to you ...
Chris Millspaugh
